Gain insight, resilience, and sustained happiness by building a positive mindset. Click for more info.

What to Do when you Hit the Wall

Image of Brick Wall

Have you ever hit a wall?

You have no idea what to do next. The wall looks blank, empty, a clear slate.

What’s that wall about?

Blockage.

Safety

At its base, the wall represents the need for safety. You put up walls to feel safe, safe from the chaos around you, safe from negative emotions you may not want to feel like fear and anger.

No one wants to talk about it, let alone sit with those negative emotions, for any length of time. As such, you deny those fears or repress difficult emotions, in a bid to stay emotionally safe.

The impact on you is disconnection. You disconnect from yourself in order to not feel those emotions. By avoiding those negative emotions, everything stays above the surface.

Thus, the wall remains.

And you’re still blocked.

The Role of Ego

Most counteract the wall with busyness. By focusing on something else – another action or accomplishment – I can prove to myself and others that the wall doesn’t exist.

All I have to do is fool myself and, well, the ego is good at that.

Jungian theory says the ego “wants to be significant, central, and important by itself, apart from anybody else.”

Notice how the ego separates you from your inner being, and, by extension, from others. Disconnection.

The wall created by ego eventually grows bigger, not just taller but wider too. It can surround you if you let it.

Are you safe … by yourself … behind the wall?

The ego tells you you’re separate from the herd because you’re “unique,” yet this belief comes at a price.

The cost is isolation, loneliness, emptiness.

Ironically, it’s when the price gets too high that people are finally ready to face the wall.

Facing the Wall

You face the wall in front of you, first off, by naming it. Identify the root cause. You can’t fix what you don’t identify. Is this about suppressed anger, resentment, fear of abandonment or potential loss?

In Process Coaching, the coach sits with you while you experience the emotion. As a witness, the coach helps you feel connected instead of isolated.

When you surrender to the negative feeling, instead of pushing it away, you release the stuck energy behind the wall.

I’ve learned you can’t push someone to face their wall. You need to want it. While you will likely still feel scared, you’re willing to see things differently. That’s the only attitudinal shift you need to face the wall.

Feeling Better

People feel better when they want to feel better.

In coaching I’ve realized that it’s not up to me to tell someone to enter or exit an emotion. My job is to support the person going through it, not to change how they feel about it.

Sometimes you need to marinate in a feeling, or repress, deny or avoid it, before you reach the point where you’re ready to move forward.

Eventually, your need to re-connect returns.

Per Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you seek the third rung of love and belonging – the home of connection. From there, you begin your climb to self-esteem, self-actualization, and, what Life fully loved readers have discovered recently, self-transcendence.

When you pass through the wall, you move toward self-actualization. As the wall disintegrates, you start expanding again.

Header Photo by Andres Siimon on Unsplash, Busyness Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash, Belonging Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

It’s not about the wall

Remind yourself that the wall isn’t the primary issue.

It’s how you respond to it.

Respond with love, not fear, and you will break through the wall in no time.

That’s how you remove the blockage.

You have to be open minded in order to grow. The coaching that Laura gave me opened my eyes to what and how I was doing things and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I am not done yet but I already see the changes in my everyday life.

MM

I think coaching is a great way to help you clear your mind when you get stuck with overwhelming situations or when stepping into changes in your life.

MO

Coaching is life changing. It pushes you outside your comfort zone and challenges your perspectives.  It is highly motivating and the exercises and techniques used are both fun and informative.  I think the main benefits of coaching are to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.  I think coaching is valuable to anyone regardless of where you are in your life or career.

LE

I honestly never thought I’d need a coach. I thought coaching was for CEOs and industry VIPs. I didn’t think it was for the “little guys” (i.e. me). Now, I’m of the belief that everyone – yes, EVERYONE – needs a coach. Coaching has really benefitted me and I’m so grateful to have had that time with Laura. It’s changed my life!

VB

Laura is very patient. She took the time to understand what was causing me to be stuck where I am today and help me build a better vision so I can continue to grow.

MM

I think Laura’s coaching was what I had been waiting for. Laura was so approachable, kind, and open. Her willingness to help and support made a difference for me. I found in her coaching new strategies, ideas, and perspectives that I could incorporate into my goals and objectives that I didn’t see before.

MO

Laura is an incredibly intuitive, positive and caring coach. Her techniques helped me recognize both my strengths and areas I might want to explore as I embark on the next chapter of my career. The exercises she employed were instrumental in providing self perspective and challenging my frames of reference.

LE

Laura is a natural coach. Her probing and compassionate questions helped me learn about myself: my value system, interests, goals and strengths.

LM

Coaching sessions with Laura gave me new perspectives on how to process specific feelings and situations in life.  She showed me how to sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, and then use visualization strategies to move through them.  I now feel more confident and in control of how I choose to walk through life.

CP

From the beginning, Laura put me at ease, creating a safe, open space for me to talk and share freely without fear of judgement. I loved the variety of approaches she used depending on the topic we were working on and it was fun being able to try out things I wouldn’t have considered before! With Laura’s coaching, I substantially grew my confidence in the workplace, overcame fears, dealt with issues I’d been carrying around for many years and, most importantly, learned to value myself and define a path forward into the future.

AG

Laura’s coaching was a breath of fresh air and EXACTLY what I needed at that point of my life. I didn’t realize how impactful coaching was going to be, but by the end of the sessions together, I left feeling refreshed, inspired and genuinely curious about what my future held for me. Because of Laura and her coaching, I believe I became a better person – someone who is more open-minded, someone with a clearer focus, and someone who is willing to explore opportunities and possibilities far more than I ever did before.

VB

I engaged Laura for coaching as I took on an expanded role leading an asset management company in Canada. As a female, I knew I would be a role model and had high expectations of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

In our first few coaching sessions we worked through exercises that allowed me to reflect on my purpose, leadership style and what mattered most to me. I continue to be grounded by the clarity I achieve in my coaching sessions – allowing me to be resilient and confident when challenges came my way.

OS