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I am enough

I sit cross-legged, yoga style, reading Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. She explains that all her clients’ concerns boil down to one thing:

I am not enough.

Or rather, they believe they are not enough and have to “do” or “be” a certain way in order to “get there.”

When I think about my life experiences and what I hear from others, this underlying thread of “not enough” connects us all.

  • Mad because a friend ditched you for whatever reason?
  • Worried that a project you’re working on seems to be falling apart at the seams?
  • Frustrated that your life isn’t perfect like you want it to be?

I am not enough.

And that’s where the “if onlys” come in. If I only did x, then this would happen. If I were only a bigger person, I wouldn’t let x get to me.

“I am not enough” is not a well from which you want to drink. It’s a devious saboteur that gladly hands you a cup to drink poisoned water. For regular readers of the Life fully loved blog, you already know that you need exit saboteur mode to move forward.

But how do you begin to transition from “not enough” to “enough?”

Being and Doing

Understand the distinction between being and doing. “I am not enough” says your being not your doing, that is, your actions, are at fault.  It’s a variation on Brene Brown’s theme of shame versus guilt.

  • Guilt: “I did something bad.”
  • Shame: “I am bad.”

Brown distinguishes doing from being. While guilt focuses outward, shame turns inward. Shame disconnects us from ourselves and others.

Like shame, then, “I am enough” speaks to key beliefs about the self. This maladaptive belief focuses inwardly just like shame and its consequence is the same: disconnection. As social animals, connection and belonging are integral to us as humans.

Connection

Connection starts internally. When you don’t feel you’re enough, you disconnect from your inner self. Then you lose access to all the wisdom already within you. Disconnection from your inner self makes you flounder. Untethered, you can’t find your north star, the deep resonance that comes from knowing your purpose in life. Once you know who you are by connecting to your self, you can connect with others easily and authentically.

How to connect to your self

Connecting to your Leader Within means knowing yourself. What’s important to you? You have your own core values, distinct from societal or moral beliefs.

For example, I hear clients describe “travel” as important to them. Well, what does “travel” mean to you?

Clarify your values by creating value chains. Observe the difference in these two value chains for travel:

  • Travel / nature / hiking / forests / waterfalls
  • Travel / culture / people / language / museums

Once you know what’s important to you, your world expands. You can identify when you’re honouring your values, which means connecting to your inner self, or not, because you feel dissonance.

Over time, you find more ways to align with your values because you know what they are. You start to see how your Leader Within can guide you as you connect with your inner being.

Header Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash, Photo by israel palacio on Unsplash

Being Enough

In sum, the path forward to “you are enough” doesn’t require actions. Notice we don’t say “I do enough.” That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? We say, “I am enough.” Being enough, then, happens by connecting inwardly. From that grounded place, you are enough.

You have to be open minded in order to grow. The coaching that Laura gave me opened my eyes to what and how I was doing things and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I am not done yet but I already see the changes in my everyday life.

MM

I think coaching is a great way to help you clear your mind when you get stuck with overwhelming situations or when stepping into changes in your life.

MO

Coaching is life changing. It pushes you outside your comfort zone and challenges your perspectives.  It is highly motivating and the exercises and techniques used are both fun and informative.  I think the main benefits of coaching are to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.  I think coaching is valuable to anyone regardless of where you are in your life or career.

LE

I honestly never thought I’d need a coach. I thought coaching was for CEOs and industry VIPs. I didn’t think it was for the “little guys” (i.e. me). Now, I’m of the belief that everyone – yes, EVERYONE – needs a coach. Coaching has really benefitted me and I’m so grateful to have had that time with Laura. It’s changed my life!

VB

Laura is very patient. She took the time to understand what was causing me to be stuck where I am today and help me build a better vision so I can continue to grow.

MM

I think Laura’s coaching was what I had been waiting for. Laura was so approachable, kind, and open. Her willingness to help and support made a difference for me. I found in her coaching new strategies, ideas, and perspectives that I could incorporate into my goals and objectives that I didn’t see before.

MO

Laura is an incredibly intuitive, positive and caring coach. Her techniques helped me recognize both my strengths and areas I might want to explore as I embark on the next chapter of my career. The exercises she employed were instrumental in providing self perspective and challenging my frames of reference.

LE

Laura is a natural coach. Her probing and compassionate questions helped me learn about myself: my value system, interests, goals and strengths.

LM

Coaching sessions with Laura gave me new perspectives on how to process specific feelings and situations in life.  She showed me how to sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, and then use visualization strategies to move through them.  I now feel more confident and in control of how I choose to walk through life.

CP

From the beginning, Laura put me at ease, creating a safe, open space for me to talk and share freely without fear of judgement. I loved the variety of approaches she used depending on the topic we were working on and it was fun being able to try out things I wouldn’t have considered before! With Laura’s coaching, I substantially grew my confidence in the workplace, overcame fears, dealt with issues I’d been carrying around for many years and, most importantly, learned to value myself and define a path forward into the future.

AG

Laura’s coaching was a breath of fresh air and EXACTLY what I needed at that point of my life. I didn’t realize how impactful coaching was going to be, but by the end of the sessions together, I left feeling refreshed, inspired and genuinely curious about what my future held for me. Because of Laura and her coaching, I believe I became a better person – someone who is more open-minded, someone with a clearer focus, and someone who is willing to explore opportunities and possibilities far more than I ever did before.

VB

I engaged Laura for coaching as I took on an expanded role leading an asset management company in Canada. As a female, I knew I would be a role model and had high expectations of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

In our first few coaching sessions we worked through exercises that allowed me to reflect on my purpose, leadership style and what mattered most to me. I continue to be grounded by the clarity I achieve in my coaching sessions – allowing me to be resilient and confident when challenges came my way.

OS