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How to Get What you Want

Quick! How do you get what you want – through change or transformation? Wait, aren’t they the same thing?

I used to see change and transformation as synonyms. Not anymore.

Richard Rohr gave me new definitions. He describes change as new beginnings whereas transformation starts earlier, with the destruction of the old.

Change: New Beginnings

Launching a business as an entrepreneur changed me. Instead of a regular paycheque from my employer, I became both employer and employee of “Laura Barker Coaching.” It felt exciting and terrifying at the same time.

My decision to start my own business as a career coach was a new beginning.

Transformation: Destruction of the Old

Transformation requires more of you. It occurs at a deeper level as you get rid of what no longer serves you. While it doesn’t need to be painful to be effective, it often is. Pain forces you to pay attention, so it serves a purpose.

In my case, quitting my disastrous project management job was transformative. By destroying the old, I could welcome the new. In fact, I see now that I had to experience the pain of this job to land where I am today. Otherwise, I’d have stuck to my creature comforts and remained dissatisfied.

You experience transformation at significant points in your life: the loss of a job, a new baby, the death of a parent. Whether you seek it, or not, it’s necessary for your holistic (mind, body, heart, spirit) growth.


I view the difference between change and transformation as one of scale.

On the one hand, you have change. Change is typically self-driven. You may say, “I want to change ‘x.’ These are my options.” Then you make a decision.

On the other hand, transformation is done “for” you (not “to” you), by external circumstances usually, in order to force a deeper reckoning.

Both are necessary for a life fully loved.

Getting What You Want

Getting what you want means achieving a desired outcome:

  • I want fulfilment in my work;
  • I want to get out of the weeds and gain more clarity:
  • I want more balance in my life.

To get to the outcome, something must happen. In other words,

How do you get from “here” to “there?”

When you can identify movement between these two points, you have, by definition, grown as a person. Growth occurs by changing or through transformation.


Growth is a process. Processes act as blueprints – something you can follow to get what you want.

The mistake I’ve made is seeing processes as purely linear. Processes appeal to the logical left-brained rational mind. But ask anyone who has experienced grief whether it obediently follows Kubler-Ross’s five (5) stages in sequential order, and you’ll learn it doesn’t. You move between stages at different rates and loop back to one stage or another. They’re not always linear.

The left brain needs the support of the right brain to take in the whole, not just segments (“stages”), to find patterns and themes. The right brain’s process isn’t linear but circular. Equally valid; just different.


Change and transformation thus create growth through a process that moves you from here to there. You do it because you want to get “there,” which is your desired outcome.

What change or transformation do you need to make in your life?



Header Photo by Shaurya Sagar on Unsplash, Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash, Photo by Peter Herrmann on Unsplash, Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

You have to be open minded in order to grow. The coaching that Laura gave me opened my eyes to what and how I was doing things and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I am not done yet but I already see the changes in my everyday life.


I think coaching is a great way to help you clear your mind when you get stuck with overwhelming situations or when stepping into changes in your life.


Coaching is life changing. It pushes you outside your comfort zone and challenges your perspectives.  It is highly motivating and the exercises and techniques used are both fun and informative.  I think the main benefits of coaching are to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.  I think coaching is valuable to anyone regardless of where you are in your life or career.


I honestly never thought I’d need a coach. I thought coaching was for CEOs and industry VIPs. I didn’t think it was for the “little guys” (i.e. me). Now, I’m of the belief that everyone – yes, EVERYONE – needs a coach. Coaching has really benefitted me and I’m so grateful to have had that time with Laura. It’s changed my life!


Laura is very patient. She took the time to understand what was causing me to be stuck where I am today and help me build a better vision so I can continue to grow.


I think Laura’s coaching was what I had been waiting for. Laura was so approachable, kind, and open. Her willingness to help and support made a difference for me. I found in her coaching new strategies, ideas, and perspectives that I could incorporate into my goals and objectives that I didn’t see before.


Laura is an incredibly intuitive, positive and caring coach. Her techniques helped me recognize both my strengths and areas I might want to explore as I embark on the next chapter of my career. The exercises she employed were instrumental in providing self perspective and challenging my frames of reference.


Laura is a natural coach. Her probing and compassionate questions helped me learn about myself: my value system, interests, goals and strengths.


Coaching sessions with Laura gave me new perspectives on how to process specific feelings and situations in life.  She showed me how to sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, and then use visualization strategies to move through them.  I now feel more confident and in control of how I choose to walk through life.


From the beginning, Laura put me at ease, creating a safe, open space for me to talk and share freely without fear of judgement. I loved the variety of approaches she used depending on the topic we were working on and it was fun being able to try out things I wouldn’t have considered before! With Laura’s coaching, I substantially grew my confidence in the workplace, overcame fears, dealt with issues I’d been carrying around for many years and, most importantly, learned to value myself and define a path forward into the future.


Laura’s coaching was a breath of fresh air and EXACTLY what I needed at that point of my life. I didn’t realize how impactful coaching was going to be, but by the end of the sessions together, I left feeling refreshed, inspired and genuinely curious about what my future held for me. Because of Laura and her coaching, I believe I became a better person – someone who is more open-minded, someone with a clearer focus, and someone who is willing to explore opportunities and possibilities far more than I ever did before.


I engaged Laura for coaching as I took on an expanded role leading an asset management company in Canada. As a female, I knew I would be a role model and had high expectations of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

In our first few coaching sessions we worked through exercises that allowed me to reflect on my purpose, leadership style and what mattered most to me. I continue to be grounded by the clarity I achieve in my coaching sessions – allowing me to be resilient and confident when challenges came my way.