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What do YOU worry about?

worry

What keeps you up at 3 a.m. that you can’t shake leaving you frustrated you can’t return to sleep?

What worrying is about

Worry is about a future state that hasn’t happened. I worry in my mind but also experience it physically and emotionally.

Mind: When I worry about a topic, I think about potential outcomes and how to control them. I do the “if … then” game. As in, “If x happens, then I will do y. If y happens, then I will do z.”

It’s a never-ending cycle, as you can see, that can easily spiral out of control which, of course, negates the purported reason we worry – to minimize negative outcomes.

Body: I feel agitated and irritable. My heart rate increases. I breathe more shallowly. Ultimately, it makes me feel less grounded. More “in my head.”

Heart: I feel anxious. I don’t actually feel better at all when I worry. My heart contracts and I feel an underlying malaise.

Spirit: When I worry, I become disconnected. I disconnect from myself, the world around me, and invisible world around all of us.

I suspect you can relate to what I’m saying. So why do we worry?

Why we worry (the “payoff”)

Worrying is comforting, like wearing cozy sweatpants and watching a good show. It feels familiar, living in the land of worry. It makes me feel like I’m in control of my destiny. Ironically, I feel safe worrying.

This sense of controlling all possible outcomes makes me feel like I’m being responsible. Adults are responsible. I’m an adult. I frame it as a type of planning. Heck, I did project management for a few years which is basically about controlling external variables to keep to a timeline and budget.

Clearly, there’s a payoff from worrying. Do you see yourself in any of my answers?

The fallacy of worrying

The fallacy of worrying looms large. I can’t control external variables, only myself and my response. How many times have I said that in my blog over the past year?

Control is illusory and leads to a false sense of self. There’s a belief if I control “correctly,” I can make the future the way I want it. In other words, my ego drives my worrying. The result is I end up stuck in a problem instead of finding a solution.

Worrying calcifies growth.

When I’m anxious, I can’t resolve issues. It’s through lived experiences that we grow most. Worrying isn’t living; it’s imagining.

Just because something feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for me. I love McDonalds but it’s not good for me to eat it every day.

Adults assume responsibility but worrying isn’t the best way to handle it. Responsibility means I take charge of myself, my behaviours and actions. Back to control: the only control I have is over myself and my responses.

How to stop worrying

I gave six (6) tips on Removing Emotional Weight a few months ago that apply to managing worry as well. Reread it as a refresher.

Bottom line? Recognize when you start worrying. Interrupt the pattern. Create a new habit.

Header Photo by boram kim on Unsplash, Eggs Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash, Skeleton Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash

I have used each technique mentioned in the Weight blog to create my new habit. I’m not there yet but I’m getting kinder toward myself. I know I’m “in process” and not a “done deal.” You can do it too.

You have to be open minded in order to grow. The coaching that Laura gave me opened my eyes to what and how I was doing things and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I am not done yet but I already see the changes in my everyday life.

MM

I think coaching is a great way to help you clear your mind when you get stuck with overwhelming situations or when stepping into changes in your life.

MO

Coaching is life changing. It pushes you outside your comfort zone and challenges your perspectives.  It is highly motivating and the exercises and techniques used are both fun and informative.  I think the main benefits of coaching are to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.  I think coaching is valuable to anyone regardless of where you are in your life or career.

LE

I honestly never thought I’d need a coach. I thought coaching was for CEOs and industry VIPs. I didn’t think it was for the “little guys” (i.e. me). Now, I’m of the belief that everyone – yes, EVERYONE – needs a coach. Coaching has really benefitted me and I’m so grateful to have had that time with Laura. It’s changed my life!

VB

Laura is very patient. She took the time to understand what was causing me to be stuck where I am today and help me build a better vision so I can continue to grow.

MM

I think Laura’s coaching was what I had been waiting for. Laura was so approachable, kind, and open. Her willingness to help and support made a difference for me. I found in her coaching new strategies, ideas, and perspectives that I could incorporate into my goals and objectives that I didn’t see before.

MO

Laura is an incredibly intuitive, positive and caring coach. Her techniques helped me recognize both my strengths and areas I might want to explore as I embark on the next chapter of my career. The exercises she employed were instrumental in providing self perspective and challenging my frames of reference.

LE

Laura is a natural coach. Her probing and compassionate questions helped me learn about myself: my value system, interests, goals and strengths.

LM

Coaching sessions with Laura gave me new perspectives on how to process specific feelings and situations in life.  She showed me how to sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, and then use visualization strategies to move through them.  I now feel more confident and in control of how I choose to walk through life.

CP

From the beginning, Laura put me at ease, creating a safe, open space for me to talk and share freely without fear of judgement. I loved the variety of approaches she used depending on the topic we were working on and it was fun being able to try out things I wouldn’t have considered before! With Laura’s coaching, I substantially grew my confidence in the workplace, overcame fears, dealt with issues I’d been carrying around for many years and, most importantly, learned to value myself and define a path forward into the future.

AG

Laura’s coaching was a breath of fresh air and EXACTLY what I needed at that point of my life. I didn’t realize how impactful coaching was going to be, but by the end of the sessions together, I left feeling refreshed, inspired and genuinely curious about what my future held for me. Because of Laura and her coaching, I believe I became a better person – someone who is more open-minded, someone with a clearer focus, and someone who is willing to explore opportunities and possibilities far more than I ever did before.

VB

I engaged Laura for coaching as I took on an expanded role leading an asset management company in Canada. As a female, I knew I would be a role model and had high expectations of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

In our first few coaching sessions we worked through exercises that allowed me to reflect on my purpose, leadership style and what mattered most to me. I continue to be grounded by the clarity I achieve in my coaching sessions – allowing me to be resilient and confident when challenges came my way.

OS