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Judge Judy

Gavel

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Judge Judy tells me to stay in my lane. Don’t talk about anything important unless you have the credentials after your name. Who are you to talk about setting boundaries, imposter syndrome, or doughnut economics?

I didn’t listen to my judge saboteur. I let my voice of inner wisdom, my Leader Within, speak louder than my judge’s voice. How did that happen?       

Judgement

We’ve talked about the Judge saboteur before. It’s the universal saboteur found across all cultures. We judge ourselves, we judge others, we judge situations. Our internal judge is typically harsh and critical. Most of us would never treat another person the way our Judge saboteur treats us yet we carry out its imperious demands simply because we want to silence that inner voice. The challenge: the Judge’s voice never quiets down on its own. You need to see it, recognize it, and make peace with it.

The Judge makes its home in the amygdala, where we house our fight or flight response. Recognizing the Judge means transitioning your thoughts from your amygdala to your pre-frontal cortex, where executive decision-making take place. More on how to make that transition in a moment.

Consider that saboteurs, including the Judge, are contagious. Even if you are not aware you are in judgement mode, you project that energy to others. They feel it which, in turn, triggers their saboteurs and gets you into a spiral from which it takes time to exit. A better option, as explained by Shirzad Chamine in Positive Intelligence, is to choose discernment instead.

Discernment

We can choose to look at ourselves, others, and situations differently, through the eyes of discernment. In the spirit of curiosity and openness, we become more positive. The discernment lens lets us learn more and progress to resolving a challenge. In contrast, the Judge feels gleeful when we stay stuck in a challenge so the Judge can say, I told you so.

Dinner with Friends

Let’s say your friend shows up late to dinner again. The Judge sees it as flakiness, incompetence, or a power play. Discernment views the friend and situation with compassion. Your friend is just as imperfect as you! Discernment asks what happened with genuine curiosity. Maybe something happened at work, home, or on the way to meet you. When you approach a discussion open-endedly, you display different energy (positive not negative) altogether. This energy fuels propulsion to better outcomes.

Changing the Dialogue

We transition to our Leader Within by recognizing when the Judge shows up. In coaching, I usually start with asking clients to notice when it appears. Chances are that patterns will emerge. You learn by identifying when the Judge strikes the gavel.

From there, release the thought. Don’t turn that judgement inward! Just as in the example above, you are imperfect. It means the Judge saboteur will appear even when you do the work. The difference lies in how you choose to respond to it. A Course in Miracles suggests saying the following:

I am willing to see things differently.

Finally, resolve to do better. Choose a course of action that aligns with your values. It’s what creates resonance, that is, alignment of mind, body, heart, and spirit.

Header Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash, Man near waterfall photo by Svyatoslav Romanov on Unsplash

You’ll know you’re discerning versus judging based on your energy. Is your energy positive (discerning) or negative (judging)? Do you feel good (aligned, resonant) or bad (dissonant)? Quieting Judge Judy may not be easy but it’s worth it, for your peace of mind and those around you.

You have to be open minded in order to grow. The coaching that Laura gave me opened my eyes to what and how I was doing things and allowed me to see the bigger picture. I am not done yet but I already see the changes in my everyday life.

MM

I think coaching is a great way to help you clear your mind when you get stuck with overwhelming situations or when stepping into changes in your life.

MO

Coaching is life changing. It pushes you outside your comfort zone and challenges your perspectives.  It is highly motivating and the exercises and techniques used are both fun and informative.  I think the main benefits of coaching are to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.  I think coaching is valuable to anyone regardless of where you are in your life or career.

LE

I honestly never thought I’d need a coach. I thought coaching was for CEOs and industry VIPs. I didn’t think it was for the “little guys” (i.e. me). Now, I’m of the belief that everyone – yes, EVERYONE – needs a coach. Coaching has really benefitted me and I’m so grateful to have had that time with Laura. It’s changed my life!

VB

Laura is very patient. She took the time to understand what was causing me to be stuck where I am today and help me build a better vision so I can continue to grow.

MM

I think Laura’s coaching was what I had been waiting for. Laura was so approachable, kind, and open. Her willingness to help and support made a difference for me. I found in her coaching new strategies, ideas, and perspectives that I could incorporate into my goals and objectives that I didn’t see before.

MO

Laura is an incredibly intuitive, positive and caring coach. Her techniques helped me recognize both my strengths and areas I might want to explore as I embark on the next chapter of my career. The exercises she employed were instrumental in providing self perspective and challenging my frames of reference.

LE

Laura is a natural coach. Her probing and compassionate questions helped me learn about myself: my value system, interests, goals and strengths.

LM

Coaching sessions with Laura gave me new perspectives on how to process specific feelings and situations in life.  She showed me how to sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, and then use visualization strategies to move through them.  I now feel more confident and in control of how I choose to walk through life.

CP

From the beginning, Laura put me at ease, creating a safe, open space for me to talk and share freely without fear of judgement. I loved the variety of approaches she used depending on the topic we were working on and it was fun being able to try out things I wouldn’t have considered before! With Laura’s coaching, I substantially grew my confidence in the workplace, overcame fears, dealt with issues I’d been carrying around for many years and, most importantly, learned to value myself and define a path forward into the future.

AG

Laura’s coaching was a breath of fresh air and EXACTLY what I needed at that point of my life. I didn’t realize how impactful coaching was going to be, but by the end of the sessions together, I left feeling refreshed, inspired and genuinely curious about what my future held for me. Because of Laura and her coaching, I believe I became a better person – someone who is more open-minded, someone with a clearer focus, and someone who is willing to explore opportunities and possibilities far more than I ever did before.

VB

I engaged Laura for coaching as I took on an expanded role leading an asset management company in Canada. As a female, I knew I would be a role model and had high expectations of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

In our first few coaching sessions we worked through exercises that allowed me to reflect on my purpose, leadership style and what mattered most to me. I continue to be grounded by the clarity I achieve in my coaching sessions – allowing me to be resilient and confident when challenges came my way.

OS