I was walking my middle child to school one December day when it happened. Santa passed us. He was in his car, fully geared up in his read suit and hat with his white beard, on his way … somewhere.
My four-year-old daughter started speculating immediately. What was Santa doing on our street? Where was Santa going? Why didn’t he stop to say hi? And, again, where was he headed?
She came to a firm conclusion: Santa was on his way to Home Depot to buy wood so he could build more toys. “Crunch time” because it was the Christmas season and Santa needed wood pronto.
Desire + Belief = Expectation1
Desire + Belief = Expectation
My daughter believed in Santa, she desired him to do something related to Christmas, so her expectation was that he’d build more toys for children. It was Santa’s job after all!
Apply this model to your own life. What do you desire? Or, in simpler terms, what do you want? While it’s a straightforward question, when I ask this question in a coaching session, I often hear silence. What’s that about?
Desires (“what I want”) run counter to the accepted negative narrative of focusing on what you don’t want or like.
If you find yourself spending time in resistance, feeling like you need to turn the tide yourself instead of letting it turn in your favour, you’re not alone. In fact, sometimes I see people looking for new resistance when current roadblocks are removed simply because resistance feels familiar.
So ask yourself, What do I want? It’s the Christmas season, a time to reflect on what’s important to you. For me, I want to give and receive love from family and friends. I want belonging and connection as I talked about last week. Spreading kindness to make the world a better place is valuable to me.
Belief is just a thought you keep having. It’s the most useful definition of belief I’ve found. What thoughts do you keep having? There’s a reason why coaches call saboteurs “limiting beliefs.” Often your beliefs do not support your desires. They’re in direct opposition to them, which leads to feeling of dissonance.
In truth, your desires come from your Leader Within, the part of you that aligns with Spirit or something greater than yourself. Your beliefs often revolve around what your saboteurs tell you, those inner voices that judge and want to control your behaviour. Aligning desire and belief becomes challenging because of the resistance inherent in the process.
One way to get there: make your desires bigger than your beliefs. Magnify them, knowing that your Leader Within always guides you to your best self. Listen to what it tells you because that’s where meaning and purpose lie.
Expectation comes from desire and belief. When you align the two, that’s when you can expect change to happen. When they’re mis-matched, you feel frustrated and without hope.
1 For more on this topic, check out the work of Abraham-Hicks.