What do YOU worry about?

Time Management
20 August 2022

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What keeps you up at 3 a.m. that you can’t shake leaving you frustrated you can’t return to sleep?

What worrying is about

Worry is about a future state that hasn’t happened. I worry in my mind but also experience it physically and emotionally.

Mind: When I worry about a topic, I think about potential outcomes and how to control them. I do the “if … then” game. As in, “If x happens, then I will do y. If y happens, then I will do z.”

It’s a never-ending cycle, as you can see, that can easily spiral out of control which, of course, negates the purported reason we worry – to minimize negative outcomes.

Body: I feel agitated and irritable. My heart rate increases. I breathe more shallowly. Ultimately, it makes me feel less grounded. More “in my head.”

Heart: I feel anxious. I don’t actually feel better at all when I worry. My heart contracts and I feel an underlying malaise.

Spirit: When I worry, I become disconnected. I disconnect from myself, the world around me, and invisible world around all of us.

I suspect you can relate to what I’m saying. So why do we worry?

Why we worry (the “payoff”)

Worrying is comforting, like wearing cozy sweatpants and watching a good show. It feels familiar, living in the land of worry. It makes me feel like I’m in control of my destiny. Ironically, I feel safe worrying.

This sense of controlling all possible outcomes makes me feel like I’m being responsible. Adults are responsible. I’m an adult. I frame it as a type of planning. Heck, I did project management for a few years which is basically about controlling external variables to keep to a timeline and budget.

Clearly, there’s a payoff from worrying. Do you see yourself in any of my answers?

The fallacy of worrying

The fallacy of worrying looms large. I can’t control external variables, only myself and my response. How many times have I said that in my blog over the past year?

Control is illusory and leads to a false sense of self. There’s a belief if I control “correctly,” I can make the future the way I want it. In other words, my ego drives my worrying. The result is I end up stuck in a problem instead of finding a solution.

Worrying calcifies growth.

When I’m anxious, I can’t resolve issues. It’s through lived experiences that we grow most. Worrying isn’t living; it’s imagining.

Just because something feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for me. I love McDonalds but it’s not good for me to eat it every day.

Adults assume responsibility but worrying isn’t the best way to handle it. Responsibility means I take charge of myself, my behaviours and actions. Back to control: the only control I have is over myself and my responses.

How to stop worrying

I gave six (6) tips on Removing Emotional Weight a few months ago that apply to managing worry as well. Reread it as a refresher.

Bottom line? Recognize when you start worrying. Interrupt the pattern. Create a new habit.

Header Photo by boram kim on Unsplash, Eggs Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash, Skeleton Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash

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